The Secret Life of Forks

It’s an eternal mystery: why are there never any forks in the kitchen at work? And where do they go? Kind of like socks at home, forks at work seem to disappear into thin air. Just today, in a moment of proactive inspiration, I decided to do something about this pressing issue and sent the following email to my co-workers.

Hello All,

As you may know, SF Environment has been experiencing a devastating resource shortage right here in our Grove Street office. Yes, I am talking about the strange and sad disappearance of any and all forks that wander into the abyss of our office kitchens.

To fight this creeping threat to lunches everywhere, I’ve created the SFE “Fork Fund” which can be found atop the microwave in the 3rd floor kitchen. Recently, the School Ed program took bold and drastic action to stem the tide of fork depletion by importing forks raised in captivity by Goodwill Industries. However, this will only stem the tide for so long. Help reimburse School Ed, and start building capacity for our next utensil crisis, by contributing to the Fork Fund today.

Next time you’re on the third floor, drop some coins to save the forks. Your lunch — and your stomach — will thank you.

This message brought to you by SFE Staffers for Fork Preservation. Any funds collected will be used directly for the purchase of more forks, and maybe a few spoons.

Only time will tell if this ploy will work. Wish us luck, dear reader.

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